a thousand layers

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It hit me in this sudden, dizzying motion – while attempting to stay tightly wrapped in a thousand layers of indestructible distance – that I have been sitting in this room with you for longer than I remember. It’s striking how the eyes you followed for years, when in front of you after a long break, can be so utterly blinding.

“I’m learning how to be alone” I said, I think, maybe not in that order of words, maybe not as polished and as to the point, but something along those lines.

xx

SWEATER by Nylon Shop

Photos by Sam Doyle

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underwater city.

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bodies are shifting all around me, stepping from one square brick to the next. at some point, someone took a brick to hand and placed it here, carefully glueing a stepping stone for all to conquer. yet there’s no movement here. i watch faces pass each other in utter disinterest. like lukewarm water escaping the palm of my hands and heading downward through my fingers. i’m out of touch.

i crave mayhem, i crave for the rush. i’m afraid there’s no progress. and maybe the city is underwater, slowing down movement as some rip through their muscles trying to paddle forward, unable to beat the current.

xx

BODYSUIT by Nasty Gal
VEGAN LEATHER PANTS by Widow
SHOES by Jeffrey Campbell
BAG by Paul’s Boutique
NECKLACE by Blue Hen Shop
BRACELET by Electric Feather Co

Photos by Briana Elledge

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cages.

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“our hearts are wild creatures. that’s why our ribs are cages” she mutters as she pours the end of her lagavulin bottle on the pile of furs and jewels on her living room floor, with that look on her face like mistakes are just nature’s thrill seekers.

she’s an old soul in an old body. she’s had more than most people ever will. she’s lived beyond the point of giving a fuck, because giving a fuck requires explaining your past to your present.

and that theme has resurrected her old habits.

it’s been 8 days since she left the house, 4 days since she had solid food, and 22 hours until she would fall into a lasting coma beside her fur on the living room floor.

she finally takes a seat next to me, letting her fragile body sink into a love seat that costs more than my chevy parked in her ten-car driveway.

“when i was 8 i broke three ribs” she takes a slow drag of her hand-rolled cigarette, “when they woke me up on the hospital bed asking how it happened, i broke out laughing”

“why?”

smoke comes out of her mouth and dances away from her lips in the shape of poorly-drawn circles, and for the first time during my 3 hour visit to her home, she looks up at me,

“i found it funny that the doctors didn’t realize how wild a heart can be.”

xx

“DRUGS” CREW NECK SWEATER by Batoko

Photos by Cachet

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lifted.

worn out - fashion blog

worn out blogstyle blog - worn outstyle blog - fashion blogstyle blog - worn outyou left for a long time today. lifted yourself out of your miserable constant, i suppose. i called to say goodbye. not because i care about you. but because i want you to care about me. a ‘courtesy call’, right? like when those telemarketers call in the middle of your dragging work day to pretend like they give a shit about your needs.

our phone conversation drifts in and out like waves. much like the presence of your emotional state. barely reaching shore. coming and going at your leisure. but i’m forgiving, i suppose. i’ll lift the heaviness in your chest because as i’ve told you many times before, the heaviness in your chest is transferable energy. because behind all your “yes” “great” “i’ll call” “i’ll email” talk i can feel the buzzing of an underlying statement: “someone come and lift me out of here”. but no one can hear your buzzing over the filler words. they can just feel it. they can identify with it. they can, regardless of your strong efforts in blocking off your leaking emotions, forgive. but i’m only forgiving because i’ve needed to be forgiven.

x

PANTS by Motel Rocks
DENIM MOTO VEST by 15 FIFTEEN (via Urban Outfitters)

Photos by Sam Doyle

Listening to: Sierra Lift
by Blue Hawaii

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latch.

unif - androgynous fashionunif clothing

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“you don’t let people like that go” she said.

and i listened. with permission from my stubborn taurean ears. it’s hard not to. when i get distracted by the arch of your brows. matching the arch of your lower back. my fingertips tracing along your spine. proceeding, cautious. i am paralyzed. clench, release. a beautiful sacrifice. your presence meets mine. collided, magnetized. mesmerized by your taurean eyes. latching on to you, as advised.

x

WE HIGH 5 SHIRT by Unif
TIGHTS by Motel Rocks

Photos by Mario Pantoja

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our flames.

moira noree vintagemoira noree vintage

the bedford chicagomoira noree vintagethe bedford chicagothe bedford chicagoworn out blog - shookawith my head melted on your chest, i like listening to your heart beat because it reminds me that you too are waiting for an interruption. we rebel against consistency because we know it’s just the devil’s trick to keep our flames low. but we prefer the heat. ideas rubbing against one another. a spark.

x

JUMPSUIT by Mustard Seed
BLAZER thrifted
LION NECKLACE by Moira Noree Vintage
LEOPARD COAT by Motel Rocks

Photos by Rachel Lynch

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candle heart.

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i blink vulnerability. it’s what makes me human. and it’s more endearing than you might think. a dash of doubt, a splash of lost, and a tingle in my heart that doesn’t quite know which emotion to gravitate towards.

i wish you would see it- that the runny wax from your candle heart is much prettier liquified. once reached the surface of its cold surrounded walls, the runny wax of your heart hardens. you follow your logic- that no one will break you if they’ve never seen you broken.

but one day you’ll get it- that those who make us vulnerable give us the rare chance of being human. for better or for worse. risking stabilized emotions. letting loose all that makes us vulnerable at a chance of gaining a little thing called being human. and it’s much prettier than you might think.

because this is human stuff, you know, it’s what sets me apart from the cold, consistent ground i’m standing on.

x

HAMSA TOP by Motel Rocks
SNAKE PATTERN JEANS by Motel Rocks
PLATFORM SHOE by Jeffrey Campbell x Nastygal
FUR COAT by Nastygal

Photos by Rachel Lynch

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starry eyed

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blind to the bone, i saw nothing but the pretty pattern of the pores on your back. white sheets, heat waves, bodies melt aside. you were hot to the touch but i wasn’t afraid. you said you know my kind. you know exactly how we are. you said people such as i jump clouds and are starry eyed, and that we’re your favorite kind.

x

TOP by Motel Rocks
MAXI SKIRT by Motel Rocks
JACKET by Jac Vanek
SHOES by Jeffrey Campbell
HAT & CIRCLE SCARF by H&M

Photos by Rachel Lynch

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