a thousand layers

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It hit me in this sudden, dizzying motion – while attempting to stay tightly wrapped in a thousand layers of indestructible distance – that I have been sitting in this room with you for longer than I remember. It’s striking how the eyes you followed for years, when in front of you after a long break, can be so utterly blinding.

“I’m learning how to be alone” I said, I think, maybe not in that order of words, maybe not as polished and as to the point, but something along those lines.

xx

SWEATER by Nylon Shop

Photos by Sam Doyle

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barely here.

shooka3shooka9 shooka8 shooka7 shooka4

2000 miles away, there’s your faint gaze. I rub my eyes, I swear you were only an arm’s length away a minute ago. That distant kind of love. That woozy kind of love. Empty and safe – a haven without a roof.

I make my way around the room. I look back. I beg to meet your eyes. I always did hope you’d notice, even the things you didn’t want to see. But your eyes, always milky and calm, oblivious to it all.

Your cold breath mutters a string of broken words that continue to shatter, over and over again, until a few disconnected pieces make it to my ear. Your bloodless skin, pale and cold. I never felt so small. Neither threatening nor threatened, like a white wall, you’re barely here.

You say I love you, I smile, and the sky seems to close on us both.

xx

Vintage clothing & accessories,
styling & photos by Justin Markin

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